Flash Back Friday:Motherhood

So I have been a little overwhelmed lately about how everything I "accomplish" throughout the day seems to be instantly undone. I feel much of my day is going in circles. I clean the kitchen only to make a new mess only a few hours later. Lillie and I clean up the legos only to have Sammy dump over a container of toys. Change a diaper to have it just messed again...

Give Sam a bath only to have him eat a banana (or any other food) and mush pieces in his hand and put it in his hair...

This is how I have been teaching Sam to ask to get out of his high chair and I say out. A few months ago he started imitating me with his arms to ask to get out I would have to say it was one of his first "signs" (this isn't really the sign for out, but it's easy) Since then he has also learned to shake his head 'no' when he objects to something, the signs for more, eat and milk. Last week he was finished eating and he put his hands up and said "ooott, ooott." He has said "da dad" but he pretty much says that for everyone. This is his first official word. It really is moments like this that make all my circles so worth it. All those circles really mean something. The deepest feeling of love fills my heart as my children learn even the smallest things, and that folks is charity.

Now time for a soapbox...

I need to hold on to these moments so tight in a world that is telling me being a stay at home mother isn't worth it. When people turn up their nose to me when I tell them my husband is a student and I am home with the kids. When people tell me they don't want children because of the strain it will cause on their life, or they are too expensive and both husband and wife work but have no children. Did you know this is so common there is even a term for it: "DINKS." I have heard way too many of these kind of comments living in a place where if you have two children that is a lot and both parents work full time. I need these moments to have the courage to tell those that look down on me for my career choice that this is more fulfilling than anything I could be doing out in the world and to not feel embarrassed that I am not bringing in an income so my children can have "everything." That I would rather have my children learn their morals and standards from me then to leave it up to a stranger(s) who I don't really know. It is too important a work.

When we first moved to the DC area and Lillie was just 8 months I did look for a part time job. With each application I filled out I felt a little sick. Not that I think having a job is a sin but that there was a reason I needed to be home with my daughter. That I needed to stand for truth and righteousness and to show that even in this over priced area, while my husband is in medical school, we can have children and still make it while I stay home with them.

At times I may feel under appreciated by the world, by my husband, by my children, and even by myself for the work I do everyday, BUT no matter how big or small the things I do everyday, is worth it! I know getting married at 19 and beginning to have children at 21 is not for everyone. There are a lot of people that need some growing up before they start into those responsibilities. There are some that need to "live" a little before being tied down and there is nothing wrong with that. I KNOW the Lord wanted me to follow the path that I am on. I KNOW this has brought the greatest joy I could ever feel in life.

I am a little tired of the judgments I feel from people because of that path. I have had people in this area say right out to my face that I must not have much more to offer because of that path. I didn't get enough education, I didn't get enough experience, I should have resentment and I should feel trapped because my role, I should have worked before children to buy nice things. To those people I say "YOU ARE WRONG."

I have to tell the truth that all of these ideas have been really hard on me. I hear them on a daily basis from people around me not just from the TV, which is easy to turn off or walk away from, but from people I meet in the store, at the playground, or pretty much any place I go with my kids. I have been asked on many occasions if I like it around here and I don't want to sound like a downer but I don't. This culture is not for me. I want to go to the park and meet other moms not a bunch of nannies. I want to be in a place where people cherish there little ones. It makes me so sad to think of the things so many people around here are missing out on because they are looking for happiness in all the wrong ways.

This time has taught us humility and through others we have been so blessed. We have been incredibly and innumerably blessed for our choices. Mike and I made it through undergrad school debt free from various grants and scholarships. We found an incredible place to live in a great location for an incredible price. We have always been able to pay our bills. Generous people have blessed us with incredible toys for our children, a second vehicle, furniture, and many other things that they would have other wise thrown away. My children are bright, happy, loving, and kind. We have very little debt in medical school, but it is closer to that of a used car loan than a mortgage. No we aren't the most fashionable family, we don't have the name brand anything, but we are always clothed and we are clean and well mended. There will always be wants no matter how little or how much money anyone has. To let go of pride and living within our means has been a great blessing.

I love being a stay at home mom. I am grateful for the challenges that each day brings. I wish the world promoted the role of mothers more and the joy of raising (not just having) children. Being a mother is tough work. It takes the skill of a secret agent as I put down a sleeping baby and sneak soundlessly out of the room. It takes imagination and creativity to make a hand tracing into a dog. It takes nerves of steel to make dinner while a baby is crying at your heals to pick him up and the phone is ringing off the hook. With a baby always clinging to me, sometimes I feel like an octopus that doesn't have control over four of her limbs. I have so many roles and so much fun with my job. I wouldn't have things any other way with my life.